Sonia Gandhi has revealed the deeply personal and painful experience of losing her first child with husband Rajiv Gandhi in January 1969. The candid account is shared in her recently published memoir, Belonging: A Journey of Love, from HarperCollins, offering an intimate look into a sorrowful chapter of her life.
A Brief Joy and Sudden Loss
Gandhi recounts the immense happiness that permeated the family upon learning of her pregnancy. Indira Gandhi, then on an official tour, was reportedly overjoyed, embracing her daughter-in-law and exclaiming, “One big baby having another baby!” This joy, however, was tragically short-lived.
On January 18, 1969, Gandhi delivered a baby boy nearly two months prematurely. She vividly recalls hearing his first cry as he was placed in an incubator. Both she and Rajiv were immediately captivated by their tiny son, describing him as “a tiny, perfectly formed boy, with thick, black hair and long, slim fingers.” They spent time gazing at him, falling in love instantly.
Tragically, the infant passed away around 6:30 AM the following morning. Sonia Gandhi describes the devastating impact of the news, stating, “Both of us were shocked and heartbroken; we held each other tight. I cried my heart out, and Rajiv, despite his 'stiff upper lip' upbringing, also wept copiously.”
The Difficult Decision of Last Rites
The loss prompted a difficult discussion within the family regarding the baby's last rites. Gandhi expressed profound distress at the suggestion of releasing the newborn into a river, fearing for her child's vulnerability. “No matter what, I'm not going to allow our baby to be thrown into the river,” she wrote, emphasizing her emotional stand.
Ultimately, the family decided to bury the child at Feroze Gandhi's farmhouse in Mehrauli. Rajiv and his brother Sanjay carried out the burial, laying the infant to rest beneath a vibrant pink bougainvillea bush. Gandhi remembers the family frequently placing flowers at the spot during subsequent visits.
Overcoming Grief Amidst Public Life
The personal tragedy left Sonia Gandhi grappling with feelings of depression, inadequacy, and guilt. This profound grief was further compounded by what she described as cruel political attacks targeting the family, deepening her sorrow during an already vulnerable time. Her memoir sheds light on the personal sacrifices and profound emotional challenges faced by public figures behind the political spotlight.